Humility in Co-Parenting: Wisdom Over Winning

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” — Proverbs 11:2

In family law, I’ve found one of the most underestimated strengths a parent can show is humility. And yet, it's often the one thing missing when co-parenting conflict escalates—especially in court.

So what is humility? In the context of co-parenting, humility means accepting that our perspective—no matter how involved, experienced, or well-intentioned—might not always be the best one. It means being open to the possibility that we can be wrong, that someone else may be right, or at the very least, that there may be more than one valid way to raise a child.

I’ve seen many custody battles sour not because of abuse, addiction, or neglect—but because one parent truly believes they are the only one who knows what’s best. Often, that parent was more involved during the marriage—handling doctor appointments, school forms, bedtime routines, and emotional support. Does that make their opinions invalid? Of course not. But does it mean the other parent’s voice no longer matters? Absolutely not.

I say this as both a lawyer and a mother. In my own marriage, I handle more of the day-to-day tasks with our children. I know their shoe sizes, their favorite snacks, their sleep cues. My husband, who works longer hours, recently bought the wrong size diaper—3T-4T instead of 4T-5T. Did I shake my head? Sure. Did that make him a bad dad? Not even close. He is thoughtful, protective, and often brings a calm, fact-based view to situations where I might be led by emotion or anxiety. In many disagreements, he’s the one who brings logic and reason. And in parenting, both roles are necessary.

In high-conflict co-parenting, pride can be the silent killer. When one parent constantly believes they’re right and refuses to hear the other, the relationship fractures. The children feel that tension, and they pay the price. Sometimes humility means letting go of the idea that you can—or should—control what goes on in the other parent’s home. Sometimes it means accepting that there won’t be a clear resolution to every dispute. Sometimes it means realizing that even if you do things “better,” that doesn’t make the other parent’s approach entirely wrong.

One of the biggest mistakes I see in litigation is the custodial parent assuming they’re above co-parenting—believing that decision-making authority means their opinion is the only one that matters. That’s not just a relational issue—it’s a legal risk. I’ve seen judges strip decision-making rights from parents who failed to consider or consult the other parent, not because they made dangerous decisions, but because they refused to co-parent.

Let me be clear: Co-parenting is not limited to joint custody arrangements. It exists during marriage, during divorce, even in situations where parenting time is minimal. It’s not about appearing cooperative for court—it’s about honoring your child’s needs for relationship, identity, and balance. Your child is 50% you—and 50% the other parent. No matter what role that other parent plays, your child will often still care deeply about what they think and feel.

I work as a part-time public defender. Every day I represent people at their lowest: addicts, the homeless, the broken. I would fail them—and fail the court—if I assumed I was always right because of my position or status. Likewise, in co-parenting, you must resist the temptation to sit on a pedestal of pride. Humility is the key to growth, flexibility, and healing. It teaches your children that everyone’s voice matters—even if that voice is imperfect.

If life doesn’t humble you, the courtroom will. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. Being the better parent in the eyes of the court or society doesn’t exempt you from the responsibility to co-parent. It doesn’t mean the other parent’s opinion should be discarded or disrespected.

Humility is the quiet strength that says, “Maybe I don’t know everything.” It is the bridge to resolution, the guardrail against bitterness, and the foundation of wise parenting.

Don’t let pride cost you more than you’re willing to lose.